Whatever It Takes
by Ladieesailor
Summary: Lena Clairmont is one of the unlucky ones; she survived The Snap whilst her loved ones perished one by one. Alone in the world and struggling to get by she has a chance meeting with a bygone hero – trying to get on with his life like the rest of them, whilst holding the weight of his failure on his shoulders. Steve Rogers/OC. Loosely following IW/Endgame plot but my own AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! Firstly, to the readers of my Bucky/OC fanfic "The Agent and the Soldier" I promise I will be posting Chapter 12 soon - I'm still travelling New Zealand and each Chapter is roughly 4000+ words - I'm slowly getting there, but I'm 57,000 words into that fanfic, so I need to read it through again to remind me of the smaller details! But I promise, I will update this week!**

**On another note, I've been toying with the idea of doing a Steve/OC fanfic for a very long time and after seeing Endgame I knew exactly where I wanted to take that story - so here it is! I won't say much more, I just hope that you enjoy it! Guys, meet Lena Clairmont - my new OC :) (pronounced Lee-nah)**

**~Ladieesailor**

* * *

**_Chapter 1_**

.*.

_"Lena." he stopped her in her tracks as he gently nudged her arm, forcing her to face him. "How many did you lose?" _

_.*._

"Hey, watch where you're going Lady!"

Lena grimaced as the stranger's shoulder collided with her own; it took every morsel of her own energy just to keep herself upright, ignoring the fowl obscenities trailing away behind her from the man that had nearly barged her into the road - not that it mattered, there wasn't much traffic anymore on the streets of New York. A year ago she would have reciprocated with a flip of the finger or some obscene word in return if someone barged her like that, but these were different times, and she had learned rather quickly that it was best for her own safety to remain as invisible as possible to what was left of the human population. The past year since The Vanished had all disappeared had been tough on Lena, but she had done her best to get by, believing that there had to be something left for her in the world – some reason why she was spared. Otherwise, what was the point?

Pulling her jacket tight against her skin she hurried on, ignoring the ache of hunger in her stomach. By her own reckoning it had been nearly three days since her last meal, but she chose keeping a roof over her head as the more imperative objective than a decent feed - despite the drop in population, jobs were still hard to come by. The nights were getting colder in New York and Lena dreaded the fact that soon enough she would be prioritising her small, mould filled room over warm clothes as well as food. The only thing of value from her life before The Snap was her brothers denim jacket, too large for her skinny frame but it was all that she managed to grab as looters ransacked her house and tossed her out onto the street's with nothing but the clothes on her back. She still had some fight left in her back then, but she was no match for four guys with baseball bats, so she had left her home behind - finding refuge in a building on the other side of town, where her landlord took advantage of her situation and charged her an extortionate amount for a crappy bed in a room with two others. It had been a while since she had met a kind, honest soul; she craved it more than food, she would happily starve just to feel safe and wanted. But mostly just safe.

"Excuse me?"

Lena jumped at the voice behind her as a hand brushed her arm, catching her off-guard. She plunged her own hand into the deep pockets of her jacket and grabbed the empty bottle of pepper spray, aiming it with a shaky hand towards the hunched man before her. He didn't have to know it was empty.

"Do-don't come any closer, I'm not afraid to use it!" she stammered as she backed away.

The figure before her took off a worn cap revealing an aged face, Lena cursed as the old man before her blinked back tears.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." he put his hands up as he backed away, wearily glancing at the pepper spray - his feeble shuffling broke her heart.

Fumbling to shove the can back into her pocket she inched closer, hoping her face conveyed her sincerity. "No no, I'm sorry, you just gave me a fright was all - can I help you?"

His face softened ever so slightly when she held both hands up to prove they were empty. "I'm looking for 221 Parkville Avenue but I can't seem to find it, I've been wandering around for the last twenty minutes - there's a meeting starting soon and I don't want to be late." he fidgeted with his hat as she stepped closer, eyeing her pocket with tired eye's.

"It's your lucky day that I know these street's like the back of my hand." she forced a smile as she offered her arm out to him, noticing how unsteady he was on his feet. "It's just a little further up the street, I can help you if you like?"

"That would be splendid dear," he linked his arm with her own as he beamed up at her in relief, holding on tightly as he replaced his cap. "I did have a walker, but apparently some young hooligans needed it more than me."

Lena could only frown in sympathy, patting his hand as they walked on up the street, her eye's on the lookout for any unsavoury characters roaming about - but thankfully all was quiet. They walked in peace for a few minutes, Lena savoured the feeling of having both the company and human touch of the old man, a small moment of respite. The old man seemed to enjoy the silent company too as he remained quiet for the entire journey, until she finally came to a stop in front of a despondent red door that had a tatty '221' etched into it.

"Well... we're here," she smiled meekly, signalling towards the door before them. "I hope you enjoy your meeting, have a lovely night and get someone to help you home if they can." she went to move away but he tightened his grip on her arm.

"My old eye's may fail me when it comes to directions, but I can tell that you're too young to be walking these street's alone at night dear." she blinked back frustrated tears as he patted her arm and pulled her closer - and here it was, the sympathy that didn't help her in any way other than reminding her how shit her life had become.

"Hey! Frank! You made it!" a stream of dazzling light blinded her as a younger man appeared in the open doorway of the red door, cutting the old man – apparently called Frank – off from whatever he was about to say. "We were beginning to worry that you were lost again."

"Oh you know me Cap, can't tell my arse from my elbow on these streets - but thankfully I met this lovely young lady who saved the day." Lena weakly resisted as Frank nudged her forward towards the man, she barely had enough energy left in her body to stand let alone resist. "You up for taking another stray in Cap."

"Look, I don't want any bother, I really need to be getting back to my room it's getting late and-" she stopped herself from continuing, avoiding going down the path of feeling sorry for herself as she told them her sob story, instead she took a deep breath. "I just need to get home - it was nice meeting you Frank, I'm glad I could help."

She spun out of his grip before he could say another word and hurried off down the street, taking the next sharp left onto an open, well lit street - her fears subsided as she watched a healthy number of people walking around minding their own business, if she was quick enough she wouldn't have any problem crossing town to get home that night.

"Hey, wait up!" she turned to see the man from the doorway jogging up to her, on closer inspection now that she could see his face in better lighting she realised why Frank had called him Cap - Captain America was stood before her, with his hand extended out towards her. "I didn't get a chance to introduce myself, I'm Steve."

"Lena." she shook his hand quickly before dropping it. "Look, I really need to-"

"Eat." he cut her off. "That oversized jacket doesn't hide the fact that your malnourished, and to be honest if I don't bring you back I won't hear the end of it from Frank - so what do you say we kill two birds with one stone and you come eat some food and I get to live another day?" he stepped aside and signalled for her to walk with him, cocking his eyebrow as if to dare her to refuse. "It's okay to accept help sometimes, it's not much but you can take as much as you want back home to your family too, there's plenty to go around."

Fatigued creeped over her body, her stomach rumbling once more as if she needed reminding on how hungry she was. Deciding not to argue and take advantage of the situation she nodded as she fell in step beside him. At one time in her life she would have freaked out at the chance to speak to thee Captain America, but that was another life entirely, trivial things like that didn't matter to her anymore.

"So, I'm guessing this is one of those grief groups that are cropping up everywhere nowadays?" she asked, trying to fill the awkward silence between them.

"I suppose you could call it that, although most people just come for the company." he smiled down at her. "So, what's got you out on a night like this alone Lena?"

"Just trying to get by the best that I can, unfortunately that means a lot of hours at work to cover the rent - I take what I can get, I'm in the same boat as everyone else so I can't really complain." the cold air nipped at her skin, reminding her to pull the jacket tighter against her once more.

"Do you live by yourself?" his eyebrows raised in surprise. "But you're so young-"

"I'm 26, don't let my baby face fool you into thinking I'm some young girl who can't take care of herself Captain." She cut him off; she wasn't capable of physically standing up for herself but she could certainly refuse peoples pity - she had survived the last year alone after all.

"I'm sure you are more than capable Lena." He smiled warmly at her once more as he stuck his hands in his pockets, she had no doubt that even super soldiers felt the cold. "And Steve is just fine, I don't really go by Captain anymore."

The hunger in her stomach turned to a pang of grief as she reminded herself that he was suffering just like the rest of them, although he hid it much better – but then, his story was worse than the rest of them. Deciding to steer them clear of talking about The Vanished she answered his question.

"I share a room in a flat with two other people, it's not pretty but at least it keeps me off the street's." she avoided his eyes, knowing he would only be giving her the same sympathetic frown she gets from anyone who finds out she's basically broke and alone.

"Lena." he stopped her in her tracks as he gently nudged her arm, forcing her to face him. "How many did you lose?"

"Excuse me?" she gritted her teeth to bite back the string of swear words crawling up her throat. "Is that any of your business?"

"Whoever you lost Lena, you lost because I couldn't stop Thanos. I can't help but ask everyone I speak too - it sounds crazy but I'm trying to find a way to fix this and hearing about everyone's losses keeps me going." he looked away from her as they arrived back at the red door, the shame etched across his face.

The tears she had been forcibly holding back snuck to the surface no matter how hard she tried to supress them, closing her eyes she turned away as she answered him. "Everyone. I lost everyone."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for the great reception to the first Chapter - I am honestly so chuffed! I'll not bore you anymore with a long AN just wanted to say thanks! Enjoy Chapter 2!**

**~Ladieesailor**

* * *

_**Chapter 2**_

_**.*.**_

_"Lena calm down its me, come on we have to go. Now!"_

_**.*.**_

"All of them?" He reiterated into the awkward silence that had ensued between them. "Every single person you knew?"

"I'd rather not speak about it if that's okay with you." she hurried on ahead of him, discreetly rubbing her eye's with her jacket sleeve to discard the evidence of tears.

Thankfully for Lena, he decided not to pursue the conversation and chose to walk beside her in respectful silence, until they had returned to where she had dropped Frank off. Typing a code into the door lock he motioned for her to step inside as it swung inwards, revealing a brightly lit living space, decorated sparsely with a few tables and chairs. A strong waft of Bolognese hit her nostrils, enticing her into the heat of the small room before her. She counted no more than nine people milling about, including Frank, who gave her a lopsided smile as he waved. "I knew he would get you back!"

"Here, let me take your jacket off, you'll roast in here." Steve gently placed his hands on her shoulder's but she stepped away, tightening the grip her own arms had on her body.

"I'm fine, thanks - if it's all the same to you." she suddenly felt self-conscious as his eye's swept over her. She knew what he saw; a bag of bones wrapped in pale skin, mucky brown hair that hadn't been washed in weeks and no doubt her eyes had sunken into her cheek's from the lack of food at her disposal. She looked like she was close to death, and she felt it too.

"Of course," his smile didn't quite reach his eyes as they clouded with concern. "Come and sit down, we can eat before the meeting begins."

For the next hour she sat in silence between Frank and a young man who introduced himself as Jared. No one spoke as they helped themselves to large portions of pasta bolognese and garlic bread - despite the intense hunger ruling her gut, Lena chewed each morsel slowly, not wanting to overfill her starved stomach and end up vomiting it back up. She had been in this position before; slow, small and steady was always best.

Once they had all kindly waited for her to finish eating, Steve stood up and grabbed his chair, signalling for everyone else to do the same.

"Let's get this meeting started shall we?" he dragged the chair over to one side where one by one they formed a circle – Frank left a gap beside him, presumably for her.

Lena rubbed her hands together as they clammed up; a feeling of complete dread took over her as she realised that the food wasn't for free and they probably expected her to take part in the session.

"I-I need to get going I really-"

"Lena, I'd rather you stayed for a while longer and got a second helping of food after." Steve walked over and grabbed her chair for her before placing it next Frank.

Clearly, being subtle was doing nothing for her, so she decided to be blunt instead.

"The chances of me being attacked when I walk home are doubling every minute that I stay here, I'm really grateful for the food, but I would like to get back to my room in one piece so if it's all the same to you guys –"

"Lena." Steve cut her off as he stepped closer to her and away from the group. "I think it would do you some good to stay, you don't even have to talk - just listen - and if it makes you feel better, I'm more than happy to walk you home after."

Lena bit her lip, weighing up the pro's and con's. She had spent every day of the last year craving the comfort of feeling safe in the company of others who wished her no harm, but on the flipside of that she was still leaving herself open to more danger by walking home later – with or without Steve. Since The Snap, not even the survivors feared the likes of Captain America, how could they after what they had been through?

"You don't have to be tough anymore, dear." Frank lent back in his chair so that their eye's connected. "It's a lonely world out there for all of us, we may not be anything in comparison, but we could be a family for you – look out for you y'know?."

"And feed you." Jared piped up. "I've got an insane enchilada recipe that I want to try out next week!"

"And I've still got some of my daughter's old clothes that would fit you – you're going to need something a lot warmer than those leggings and that denim jacket for the coming Winter." A woman in the corner spoke up, smiling warmly at her.

"But you guys barely know me." she swallowed her emotions as she spoke, not wanting to look ridiculous in front of people she had only just met.

"Just let us help you." Steve placed a hand on her shoulder, ducking down so that he could meet her eye to eye. "The world is in this state because of what I failed to stop, so please let me do something useful and help you. Please."

Touched by the kindness these strangers were showing her she could only nod in reply.

**o.O.o**

The meeting passed in a blur; Lena hugged her knee's to her chest as she barely made an effort to follow the conversation around her, instead focusing on picking a scab that was visible through a hole in her leggings. She should be happy that they asked her to stay, that they fed her and that Steve had offered to walk her home, but all she could feel was an unsettling dread that this wasn't going to last.

"It's okay to be scared you know." She jumped at the sound of Steve's voice so close to her as he stacked the empty chairs. Blinking, she looked around - where had everyone gone?

"They all left a few minutes ago." He signalled for her to move so that he could take her chair, leaping forward out of his way as she hugged her jacket against her once more. "But as I was saying, it's okay to feel scared about accepting help from strangers, we've all been there." She watched as he grabbed his jacket and a set of keys from a table at the back of the room. "Now, shall we get you home in one piece?" he held up a large bag in the other hand. "Jared also made me swear to make you take these leftovers."

Lena couldn't help but smile at his use of her own words, she nodded once as he breezed past her and turned the lights out before opening the door. Bracing herself for the cold she wrapped the jacket as tight as it would go and stepped into the cool night, supressing a shiver as she waited for him to lock the door. She felt like she spent a good 50% of her life pulling her jacket closer to her skin, if she wasn't careful she would start rubbing holes into it with the friction.

"Lead the way." Steve signalled with his free hand once he joined her on the sidewalk.

"Thank you for doing this – for convincing me to stay." She didn't have to force a smile as she looked up at him - she sincerely meant it as much as it hurt her pride – she had decided that overall it felt good to accept the groups help.

They walked in silence for a while, it was a twenty minute walk back to her room and she didn't want to waste what little small talk she did have stored at the back of her brain right at the beginning of it.

Steve on the other hand apparently had other ideas. "So when you said earlier that you had lost all of them, did you really mean everyone?"

"I'm sure I also said that I didn't want to talk about it." She countered, but he ignored her and raised his eyebrows, prompting her to carry on. Sighing, she decided to humour him. "Yes I meant all of them, from my Mother right down to that one school friend that you aren't really friends with but could totally have a quick chat and a coffee with – they are all gone. Unless they are hiding from me I haven't seen a family member, friend or even a familiar face in over a year." The grief was still raw, like a large black hole on her chest, sucking every single wisp of happiness out of her.

"I'm sorry, Lena."

"It's okay, I accepted it a long time ago." She knew she couldn't make the smile she forced on her lips reach her eyes.

"No, I mean I'm sorry that I couldn't stop him, your family and friends; they're all gone because of me." not able to face his guilt he turned his face away from her.

Movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention, speeding up the pace she tapped his arm discreetly whilst keeping an eye on the two figures in the shadows behind them. "Steve, you guys done everything that you could – I wouldn't dare for a second blame any of you for what happened to the world. Everyone has their limits – Thanos was just too good."

One of the figures split off from the other, cutting down an alley that she knew would eventually lead to a path in front of them. Her earlier fears had been proved right that walking in the streets this late at night would only cause problems. Worried that he hadn't seen the men behind them she opted for something a bit better than an arm tap.

"Steve-"

"Don't worry I see them too, just keep walking." He murmured, sliding his arm around her shoulder and pulling her ear in close against his lips. "There's five in total including the three across the street – don't look!" he pulled her closer to stop her from turning her head. "When I tell you to run I want you to sprint as fast as you can to an all night diner that's just around the next corner, I'll meet you there."

Sure enough, just as they passed the next alley way the figure Lena had watched disappear moments earlier came flying out of the darkness, fist raised aiming straight for Steve's face.

"Run, now!" he flung her forward as he blocked the punch and retaliated with one of his own, knocking the man out cold. Lena didn't hesitate to do as she was told, she was built for running from situations like this. Thanking the stars that she had eaten at the grief group she sprinted as fast as she could, flinging herself around the corner and crossing the road to the diner.

"Not so fast you little bitch!" Another man launched himself out of a hidden alley way and tackled her to the floor, dragging her face across the uneven road. She barely had time to think or react to the burning sensation spreading across her face before he rolled her over and pinned her hands above her head with one hand. His other dove straight into her pockets, emptying them of all the little bits and pieces she kept on her, including the empty pepper spray can - which he launched across the road in anger.

"Where's your purse? Your phone?" he grunted as he pulled at the jacket and patted her skin.

"Bit difficult to have them when they've already been stolen by the likes of you." She growled, seeing the perfect opportunity to do some damage. A raging passion of absolute fury burned inside of her for the first time in months, whether it was adrenaline she didn't know but the fight within her had been set alight once more. Bringing her knee up in one quick motion she connected it with his groin, causing him to buckle and drop his entire body weight on top of her – but she was ready for it. Bracing her arms she caught his weight and used it against him to push him off and roll her body out from underneath. He went to grab her leg but she kicked out, landing the heel of her worn shoes on his nose, creating a satisfactory crunch as it connected.

"You stupid whore!" he raged as he clutched his bleeding nose.

"Of course! We are always whores, bitches and sluts when you don't get your way with us!" she bellowed as her rage consumed her. She pulled her foot back as far as she could and placed a well-aimed kick to his ribs, the satisfaction from his grunt of pain exhilarated her. In this man's face she saw every other person both male and female who had deemed it okay to attack her and take advantage of her situation. She brought her foot back again and again, landing blow after blow to his left side as he spluttered and coughed up blood, all the while she screamed, letting her rage flow freely through her.

A pair of arms wrapped around her and pulled her back. "Get off me!" she fought against them, kicking back but to no avail.

"Lena calm down its me, come on we have to go. Now!" She recognised Steve's voice as he released her body, only to grab her hand and drag her along at a full sprint.

"What's wrong?" she panted as she struggled to keep up.

"Turn's out we are both terrible at marking tails – there was closer to ten, and super soldier or not that's a hell of a lot to fight off for me whilst you were alone. This option is safer for the both of us, trust me."

"This isn't the way to my apartment." she heaved as she struggled to match pace.

"I know, it's the way to mine."


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: WOW! is all that I can say about the response to this story so far, I'm delighted that so many of you are enjoying it! _**

**_'The Agent and The Soldier' followers please be patient with me! I have got your DM's asking for another Chapter but that story is very complex and each Chapter ends up being about 5000-6000 words long and I believe in putting good content out there, so the next up-date won't be for another wee while when I am completely happy with the Chapter! Due to it already being 55,000+ words sometimes I have to remind myself of Chapter content to keep the flow of the story so I am currently re-reading to make sure the plot is intact :)_**

**_~Ladieesailor_**

* * *

**_CHAPTER 3_**

**_.*._**

"I had to close myself off from everyone." She whispered. "It was getting too painful being let down all the time."

**_.*._**

_Lena stood still and tall as she glanced over her misshaped frame in the mirror. It had only been a little over a week since his death and yet her body had already reduced itself to the pale glamour of ill-health and hopelessness. One of her Mom's black dresses hung loosely around her body, cinched together with a random belt she had stumbled across in her wardrobe – she looked shambolic but it didn't matter; because he wasn't alive to see her, so no one's opinion on her current fashion – not even her own – mattered at all._

"_Lena let me do something with your hair, please." Her younger sister Cassie appeared behind her in the reflection, twirling a loose strand of Lena's golden brown hair in-between her fingers. __Lena nodded, not having the strength to argue. She sat in silence as Cassie twirled and pinned her hair up out of her face, stopping every so often to wipe at her own eyes as the tears fell. His death had not only ruined Lena, but her entire family - they had all loved him so very deeply._

"_Lena?" she looked up once again to now see her Dad in the reflection, propped against her door frame. She turned to where Cassie had stood before but she was gone – how long had she been zoned out? In one swift movement she flung herself from the chair and into his arms, sobbing as he cocooned her into one of his infamous hugs. Lena hadn't had the strongest verbal relationship with her Dad, but he always knew how to comfort her without saying much, and right now that was exactly what was needed. "Come on love, we better get down – the car is waiting."_

_She let him guide her out of the room and down the stairs to her waiting family below. Her Mom stood in the middle of her siblings - Cassie on the left and her older brother Damien on the right – with her arms wrapped tight around them as tears pooled in all of their eyes. _

_Damien cautiously stepped forward and enveloped her with his body, holding her tight as he whispered into her ear. "We've got you Lena, we've all got our arms around you today, we won't let you stumble."_

"_I know you do, I just wish it was his arms." She whimpered as she looked down at the photo of her and Cameron on the hallway dresser table. It was taken on the day he had proposed to her not more than three months ago. Her best friend Ashley had snapped the shot of him hugging her as her head was flung back in total euphoria, her left hand raised in the air showing the ring to the world. It had been the happiest day of her life – they had their whole lives together in front of them; or so she had thought._

"_We really should be going darling; everyone is waiting for us." Her dad rubbed her back until she let go of Damien, when she turned he had a sturdy arm held out waiting for her - which she gladly took. Guiding her slowly out of the house and into the waiting car her Mom and Dad sat either side of her, each with one of her hands in their own as they squeezed - comforting her ever so slightly._

_The night Lena had found out Cameron was dead she had been at home at her parent's house; they had chosen to live there so that they could save for their own place. She had been curled up in bed reading a book, glancing at her phone every so often as she waited for a text from him. She had known something was up – it had passed 2am and she had still heard nothing - he had never been a late drinker. _

_It was her Mom who had answered the door to the police - who had shrieked her name to come quickly. H__e had decided to walk home from the bar, but on the road instead of the sidewalk. __They said he had been dead from the impact of the car before his body had even hit the ground, a__nd now here she was in a strangely fancy car for the circumstance with her family on their way to his funeral. _

_No one spoke to her when she arrived - despite the large turnout of family and friends - only sparing her pitying glances as she made a beeline straight for the front of the church. She wasn't even sure if Cameron wanted buried, but she didn't have the energy to argue with his uptight parents on what he would have wanted, so instead she stayed in her room and sobbed, clinging onto his clothes until the day of the funeral. _

_Today._

_She glanced at the casket in front her, suddenly thankful that his parents had made the humane decision of keeping it closed. The caretakers could only do so much for his mangled body - clearly not enough if the casket was shut. Her heart beat in agony against her chest, the grief stronger now that she was a mere foot away from him. Disentangling herself from her Mom and Dad she closed the gap and placed a hand where she imagined his head was, before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on the cold glossed casket lid. "I miss you so much," She whispered as she placed her forehead against the coffin, imagining the touch of his arms around her. "Life hurts without you by my side."_

"_Lena." She blinked away the tears as she stood straight - turning at the sound of concern in her Dad's voice - only to be met with his body disintegrating into what could only be described as ash, with one arm outstretched towards her._

"_DAD?!" she screamed as she lunged for his outstretched hand, but it disintegrated at her touch. She looked around her as putrefying ash filled the air, whilst people stood from their seats and screamed. Amongst the chaos she fought to get to where the rest of her family had been sitting moments before - but the seats were empty._

"_Lena, come on let's get out of here!" The relief of seeing her best friend lasted a mere second at the sight of Ashley. _

_She grabbed Lena's hand and pulled her towards the exit of the church, but moments later she too disappeared in front of her, eliciting a blood curdling scream from Lena - one she didn't even think she was capable of. She continued to shriek as she batted away the fluttering remains of those disappearing around her, tripping to the floor as her heel caught in the doorway to the church. _

_"Lena?! LENA?!" __Snapping out of her horror at the sound of Damien's voice she sprinted outside, kicking her heels off in the process. Hope sparking within her that they had made it outside away from whatever was causing the complete destruction of people's bodies. _

_But as she looked around the church gardens she saw only a few people, Cameron's Mom was slumped over on the floor, a hand pressed against the ground where she guessed his Dad had been. She recognised a few of Cameron's cousin's crying out in anguish as they held onto each other, pointing at the ash floating and settling on the floor around them. But she didn't recognise anyone else, not one family member or friend of her own. Sprinting out into the street she screamed for her sibling's and Mom until her throat went raw and her cries where washed out by the cry of others. She knew she had heard Damien's voice, but she must have been too late._

_ What had happened in the church appeared to be happening everywhere as people poured out onto the streets, crying out names and roaming the sidewalk just like her in complete anguish. But Lena knew her family were gone, and there was no point carrying on the search – they would not have left without her so they must have disappeared like the rest. She returned inside the church and collapsed on the floor by Cameron's coffin, placing a hand on the top as she had done before. If she was lucky, whatever had just destroyed her family would also come for her. _

_So she sat and she waited._

_And she waited._

_But the sweet release of death never came for her._

**o.O.o**

"Lena?"

"Huh?" she blinked back tears as she continued to warm her hands by the fire. They had arrived at Steve's apartment a while ago, he had of course been generous and offered her a shower and a change of clothes but she had declined, instead choosing to sit by the fire, consumed in her past.

"You looked deep in thought." Steve joined her, setting a green medical kit on the floor beside him. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing." She reluctantly turned from the warmth, nodding her head towards the box in the hope of a change in topic. "What's that for?"

"You declined my offer of a shower so you probably haven't seen your face." His smile tightened. "It's messed up pretty badly and I want to get the gravel out before it starts to heal."

She raised a hand to her cheek, hissing through her teeth as a burst of pain shot across her face. She had forgotten that in his tackle, the man who she had so joyously booted in the ribs had skidded her face across the road.

Steve stood as he held a hand out for her - wearily she took it, allowing him to guide her towards a chair at his empty kitchen counter where he insisted she sit. Whilst he prepared everything he needed she glanced around at his sparse apartment. It was all open planned, except for the door leading off to what she presumed was the bedroom. The apartment only looked big to Lena because there was little to no furniture, only one sofa by the fire and a cabinet with a few random bits and pieces in it; which she assumed had some kind of personal value – other than that the place was bland.

"It will be a lot easier for the both of us if you just sit as still as possible." He gently angled her head up and away from him before picking up a pair of tweezers. "This is gonna hurt, you ready?"

Not trusting herself to speak she merely nodded before closing her eyes. At first it wasn't so bad, there was a slight sting with each bit of gravel that he removed, but the longer he went at it the more it started to really hurt.

"We could talk to distract you from the pain." Steve offered as she winced once more at the removal of another chunk. "It doesn't have to be about us or our lives, we could talk about the weather or puppies or food." She squinted her eye open to see him smiling to himself, when he caught her looking she jammed them shut again.

"You were so insistent on pushing me to tell you who I had lost, what about you?" she asked, taking the chance to ask since he couldn't possibly be mad after the way he had guilt tripped her into telling him.

"Do you really want to know or are you just asking that to get back at me for demanding you tell me about your losses." She opened her eyes again and caught a sad smile on his face as he focused on the high bone of her cheek.

"I guess a bit of both." She answered honestly.

"I lost people, yes – I won't bore you with the details." He sat back as he angled her face up to give her the once over, obviously finding another bit of gravel as the tweezers came towards her again. "But I didn't lose everyone, there are still people around me that I can go and talk to."

"I suppose that's only fair." She muttered to herself without thinking about it, she only realised he had heard when he stilled against her skin. "Oh! Shit, no I didn't mean it was fair that it happened to you, I meant that everyone knows your story and how you woke up seventy years later and everyone was gone." Exasperated with herself she rushed on. "I just meant that you've already lost everyone once before, it's good that you didn't lose everyone again." Pushing his hand away she stood up, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror on the wall opposite – her face looked like utter hell. "This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come here, every time I open my mouth I say something stupid." He moved towards her but she backed away from him, holding her hands up infront of her.

"Lena, don't be silly." He placed the tweezers down as he also stood. "Everyone in this world has someone, everyone apart from you." He crossed his arms as he stepped closer to the door, blocking the swift exit she was planning in her head. "You don't need to do this alone Lena, let me help you."

"I'm sorry but I can't let you, I learned a long time ago that the only person you can trust in this new world is yourself." She moved to pass him but he stepped in front of her again. "I'm used to my life now, it's better if it remains that way, there's nothing worse than hope and comfort before it all disappears again." Ducking underneath his arm she yanked the door open and hurled herself down the stairs two at a time and out onto the street.

"Who say's it has to disappear Lena?" she jumped as Steve landed in front of her, spinning around she glanced back up at his apartment to see a window open.

"What the-"

"The group will always be there for you, you won't be abandoned." Rolling her eyes she turned in the opposite direction and walked, it had been a bad idea to accept help. "It wasn't by chance that Frank was stumbling around in the dark that night." he yelled after her.

She stopped. Mind and heart racing in her ears as she tried to understand what he was saying.

"Frank always spotted you walking home from work on the way to meetings, over the past few months he's noted how rapidly you were wasting away – he felt it was time to step in." She could hear his footsteps cautiously stepping closer. "And I agreed."

He placed a hand on her shoulder, warm and firm against her body. "If you truly want to leave I'll let you, and I promise we will never bother you again, but I'm offering you a chance here Lena and I really want you to take it."

She swallowed back the tears once again forming. She had told herself she was going to accept the groups help before but she didn't think it would be this hard.

"I had to close myself off from everyone." She whispered. "It was getting too painful being let down all the time."

"I know Lena, but things can be better than this for you – just let us help."

She sighed inwardly, what did she have to lose? And maybe it would get Steve off of her back - turning back around she held a shaking hand out as the cold seeped into her bones. "Deal."

Smiling, he took her hand and shook it, before indicating for her to go back inside. "Hopefully you mean that this time and there will be no more running away."

"I think it would be better if I went back to my place." She indicated with her thumb behind her. "I promise I will turn up for meetings every week but if I spend any more time in your warm and comfortable apartment I'll start getting used to a comfort I can't afford." She chuckled sadly.

"Lena I-"

"Don't." she held her hand up. "I'll take the offer of walking me home and that will be the end of it."

She could see the internal argument within him splayed across his face, but he thankfully decided better than pushing her and just nodded, signalling for her to lead the way.

It didn't take them long to get to her apartment block, tapping the internal pockets of her jacket she was glad to find that her key hadn't been removed by the man who had attacked her.

"Well, this is me." She waved him goodbye as she opened the door into the grimy entrance to her building. She swore it was colder inside than outside as a breeze scurried across the hall. Instead of leaving though, Steve stepped past her and into the building, hands on hips as he inspected the place.

"You really expect me to leave you here?" he pointed to a man, stumbling down the stairs clearly intoxicated. "Is the whole building like this."

"Pretty much." She shrugged her shoulders, no sense in lying. "But I'm used to it and I've never had any bo-"

"MISS CLAIRMONT."

"Fuck." She hissed as she quickly shut the door and gave Steve a 'be quiet' look.

Mr Gupta, her balding, squat, fat landlord came steaming around the corner from his office, paying no attention to Steve as he waggled a finger at her.

"Your rent is late!" he admonished her.

Panicking, she counted the days in her head – No, he was wrong, she had made a payment the previous Friday, and she knew that because she had starved herself since then.

"Mr Gupta, I have already paid this month's rent, if you check your books I-"

"No no no no! The price has gone up and you have not paid the full amount." She could see the spit foaming at his mouth as his rancid breath washed over her. "You need to give me another $250!"

"$250?! That's absurd Mr Gupta I don't have anymore money you take everything I earn from my job!" she tried to reason as real panic set in.

"Well," Mr Gupta suddenly relaxed as he crossed his arms, his eye's glancing down her body. "You could always pay it in other ways."

The words 'fuck off' had only just made their way out of her mouth before a muscling arm belonging to Steve came flying out, catching Mr Gupta by the scruff of the neck and slamming him up against the opposite wall. For the first time her landlord actually paid attention to him, his eye's widening with recognition.

"Ca-Captain America?" he squeaked.

"Now, that's not how we should be talking to female tenant's – is it?" Steve growled as he held a struggling Mr Gupta above the floor with ease. "How about in return for me not telling the police about your despicable behaviour, you give Miss Clairmont back a months' worth of rent?"

Lena could only laugh as Mr Gupta's body violently shook as he nodded, scurrying away once Steve had released him in the direction of his office, a look of plain fury rolling across his face.

"How much does he charge you?" he asked.

"$500 a week." She answered.

"$500 A WEEK FOR ONE BED IN A ROOM?!" he roared, which only seemed to encourage Mr Gupta to move faster.

"Here, I have your money Miss Clairmont." He pushed a wad of notes into her hand, avoiding Steve's glare. "It's all there." She counted just to check, and was glad to see that it was.

"Lena, do you have anything of value in your room?" Steve asked, not taking his eyes off of her terrified landlord.

She hoped her snort in reply answered his question as she pocketed the cash, she could barely dress herself never mind have something that was of value.

"Good, your leaving this shit hole and you're not returning." He didn't give her a chance to argue as he grabbed her by the forearm and steered her out of the building.

"Wait, Steve-"

"This isn't up for negotiation Lena; I have a woman back in the 40's who would be extremely pissed at me if I actually left you in that building." She wisely kept her mouth shut as he hurried them down the street and around the corner so that her building was out of sight. Releasing her arm he carried on walking aimlessly, Lena had to break into a slow jog just to keep up.

"So are you really going to leave Mr Gupta alone?" she asked after the silence became too much for her.

"Oh heck no, he'll no longer be a landlord tomorrow morning – he will be dealt with."

"As in…" she drew a line across her throat with her forefinger.

"What?! No!" he admonished. "I mean as in report him to the police and have him arrested for extortion and fraud!" he chuckled.

"Well that's boring." She muttered, pulling her jacket tight across her body once more, smiling at the feeling of $2000 in her pocket.

For the first time in a year life was finally looking a little bit better.


	4. Chapter 4

_**CHAPTER 4**_

_.*._

_"Jesus bloody Christ, next Iron Man will be knocking on my door, have I done something to warrant the visit of a second Avenger?" _

_.*._

"What about this one?" Lena spared a fleeting glance at the jumper Steve held up in front of him; clothes shopping was the last thing she had expected to be doing on a Friday morning, especially with her current company. When they had arrived back at his apartment after the ruckus with her landlord she had tried to convince Steve to allow her to pay rent - especially since had had given up his bed for her and taken the couch. But he had refused; instead spending the majority of the night trying to convince her to spend the money on herself and buy some much needed new clothes and basic commodities. In the end it hadn't taken much effort on his part, her old clothes reeked of stale sweat despite Steve washing and drying them. So here she was on a Friday morning clothes shopping in the cheapest bargain store she could find with Captain America.

"How much is it?" she pointed at the price tag.

"Lena, you've got $2000 I don't think price is much of an issue." He chuckled as he replaced the jumper back on the rack and continued through the rest.

"I've already got two jumpers, some t-shirts and a pair of jeans I just need to find some warmer leggings and a jacket and we are good to go." She turned away from him and walked towards the sale stand with a healthy selection of thick jackets - rummaging through she pulled out the first water proof one that she got her hands on.

"Bright orange? Really?" Steve had followed her over, eyeing her choice with strong disapproval. "What about this one?" he held up a similar style, but instead of the luminous orange that she had picked out in her rush to find a good deal it was a subtle dark purple – much more her style.

"Oh, good eye! And it's a decent price too – you should make clothes shopping with a picky female your full time job." She chuckled as she took the jacket from him and measured it against herself. A little big but she could make it work, staying warm was the important factor, not fashion.

After another twenty minutes of digging around she was proud to walk out of the store with two bags of clothes for a smooth $226. With a lot of convincing from Steve she had also bought a pair of sturdy brown leather boots and some thick socks. She hadn't enjoyed putting on her old clothes after her shower that morning; elated at the possibility of feeling fully clean for the first time in ages she turned to him.

"How about some breakfast?" she pointed to the café next door, the French toast and berry compote advertised on their blackboard catching her attention straight away. "My treat?"

"You had me at breakfast." He laughed as he grabbed both bags from her hands and directed her to walk ahead of him "Although I'm paying."

They ate in comfortable silence, making small talk where required; but Lena was glad to find that Steve enjoyed silence and people watching as much as she did. Despite his protests she paid the bill before grabbing her bags and heading for the door.

"I really should get going to work, thanks for helping me with my shopping – honestly you really should consider becoming a personal shopper for the out-of-depth woman." His lopsided grin forced her own mouth to quirk up at her own joke. She had forgotten what happiness had felt like – she had missed this feeling, more than she had realised.

"Here, let me take your bags back to the apartment, no sense you dragging them around the city." His hands slid into the bag handles, brushing lightly against her own. An involuntary shiver riddled its way down Lena's spine at his touch, she let the bags fall into his waiting grasp, her cheeks warming with her own embarrassment.

She wasn't stupid, she knew Steve was a _very _good looking man with honest intentions who would without a doubt treat her well. But in her heart she knew Cameron was the love of her life – and as far as she was concerned you were only graced with one of those in a lifetime. Whatever her body was trying to tell her that she felt – it was wrong.

"Thanks, I really should get going." She jerked a thumb behind her.

"Just be careful." he indicated towards her healing face. "We don't want a repeat of that happening again." He grinned as he waved her off down the road.

She had gotten no further than a few steps when her jacket began to vibrate, causing her to jump as she plunged her hand into the deep pockets and pulled out brand spanking new phone, ringing loudly with the word 'Steve' flashing across the screen. Swiping right on the call and placing it to her ear she turned to face him in the distance. He flashed her a smile as he waved.

"Just incase you need to get a hold of me." He indicated to the phone.

Grinning she gave him a thumbs up before remembering she could actually speak. "Thank you, although I'm pretty sure it's out of my price range – and before you argue, yes I will be paying you back Mr. Rogers." Without another word she hung up and turned away from him, the grin still plastered across her face as she set into a fast pace towards her work – thanks to her new phone she could now tell the time and she was most definitely going to be late.

**o.O.o**

"Yes Ma'am what can I get you?" Lena finished off the Cappuccino with a flourish of cinnamon powder, glancing up at the woman in front of her as she signalled for the previous customer to take his order. Wiping her hands on her apron she prepared the next espresso shot in anticipation.

"A quiet word if that's alright?" the woman jerked her head to an unoccupied booth in the corner.

Lena focused on the woman before her instead of the shot she was tamping; blonde hair peaked out from underneath a woolly hat, the face of the woman that had been plastered all over the newspapers next to the likes of Steve, Thor and Iron man was staring confidently back at her.

"Jesus bloody Christ, next Iron Man will be knocking on my door, have I done something to warrant the visit of a second Avenger?" Lena signalled to her boss that she was going to take a quick break, ignoring him when he begrudgingly nodded. Natasha Romanoff led the way to the booth, allowing Lena to slip in first before following on the opposite side. "Did Steve put you upto this?" Lena demanded. "Look, I've already accepted his help this is crazy."

"I wish he did, but that would mean he would actually have to speak to me." Lena noted the sad smile that touched at Natasha's lips – clearly there was more to that story but she wasn't one for digging into other people's business.

"In that case what can I do for you?" she brought the focus of the conversation back to them, weary of her boss already pointing at his watch.

"Steve has refused all contact with what's left of the rest of us, and I…" Natasha trailed off, glancing at their surroundings sheepishly. "I miss him, and I'm struggling to hold things together without him. Can you tell him to get in contact with me?"

"Why do you need me to do that, can't you just go to his apartment and ask him yourself? I mean you are like a super spy after all right?" Lena felt stupid pointing out the obvious to a woman clearly more experienced in life than her.

"There has always been a woman behind Steve's decisions motivating him to do the right thing, he couldn't help himself when he saw you in trouble and he has gone above and beyond to help you out – my 'super spy' abilities tell me your currently the best person to convince him to come help us out - he will listen to you."

Lena mulled Natasha's words over, chewing her bottom lip. "He's a grown man, surely if he doesn't want to-"

"Yes, he is a grown man but he is also being a sulking idiot." Natasha chuckled. "Look, you must have lost people like the rest of us Lena, and I want to bring them all back – but I can't do it without Steve."

"LENA." Her boss bellowed across the room at her, signalling to the waiting queue of customers but she waved him off.

"Wait, are you saying there is a way to bring everyone back?!" she hissed, her heart skipping a beat at the possibility.

"No not at all." Lena sank back in disappointment as Natalie continued. "But I want to try and find a way, and I can't do that without everyone on bo-"

"LENA GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE THIS COFFEE WON'T MAKE ITSELF." her boss roared at her, cutting Natasha off mid-sentence.

"Oh, screw this." Lena growled as she stood up from her seat before marching over to the cupboard where she kept her jacket. Once she had shoved it on she turned back to a bemused looking Natasha and signalled towards the door. "Mind if we continue this conversation outside?"

"And where do you think your going?" she felt a hand wrap around her upper arm and pull her back towards the counter - turning, she saw her boss glaring down at her. Before she could say anything the pressure was suddenly released as he was flipped onto his front, his arm extended behind him and pulled into a painful looking position by Natasha - not that Lena cared of course, she had only dreamed of doing this to his sorry ass.

"Touch her again and you'll deal with me, and I won't be so generous next time." she gave his arm a hard yank, causing him to scream out before she let it go. "Shall we?" she indicated towards the door.

"Now THAT was cool." Lena couldn't contain her amazement as she walked out the door, flipping what she guessed was now her ex-manager the bird on her way out as he yelled profanities at them. "But seriously, are you really telling me that there's a chance to bring every one back?"

"Look Lena, I don't want to get your hopes up - but if there is a chance, no matter how small then I need Cap and Tony back." she took a hold of Lena's hand and squeezed tight. "When everything goes to shit it's always us women who step out of the flames to fix it. Always. I can work on bringing Tony back, but I need you to convince Steve for me."

Lena squeezed Natasha's hand back. For a split second she closed her eye's, imagining her Mom's hand in her own. It was a no brainer really, if there was even the slightest chance of getting her back she was going to take it.

"I don't want to sit idly by, if I convince him to come see you can I help you?" Lena was surprised when Natasha grinned mischievously at her.

"With a little work I'm sure I can make some use of you, besides," Natasha indicated to the coffee shop behind them. "I'm gonna say you're unemployed now anyways."

Before Lena could give some kind of witty reply a black car sped along behind them, expertly pulling in to park right by Natasha's leg.

"Look, I really have to go but please just tell him to get in contact." Natasha slid in to the waiting car. "I look forward to seeing you both back at Headquarters." she smiled, before the window closed and the car sped off, leaving Lena alone on the sidewalk.

"Fuck." she muttered as she turned and headed in the direction of Steve's apartment; he was not going to be happy.

**o.O.o**

"What are you doing home so early?" Steve glanced up from a book at her entrance.

Lena grimaced as she avoided Steve's piercing eye's, deliberately taking her jacket off slowly. "Oh... y'know I decided maybe its best if I quit and look elsewhere." When she finally looked at him she tried to muster a reassuring smile but he had cracked her lie within seconds.

"How about we cut they lying and you tell me the real reason?" he crossed the open living room to stand before her, arms crossed in expectation as he cocked an eyebrow, inviting her to explain herself.

"Well I had a visit from an old friend of-"

"Oh Lena that's great!" she inwardly cringed as he relaxed and pulled her into a hug. "I know only one friend doesn't make up for everyone you lost but it must have been great to see a face you recognise-"

"It wasn't an old friend of mine, it was one of yours!" she blurted out. "It was Natasha, and uh, there was a tinsy little bit of an altercation with my boss being an asshole and I tried to walk out but then he tried to stop me and then she done this crazy thing where she came out of nowhere and like flipped him on his ass and threatened him on my behalf." she rambled on as Steve stood back, rewinding to his earlier pose of the 'unimpressed crossed arms' look. "It..was...cool?"

"And what was Nat doing in your place of work exactly?" he grinded out between his teeth, his disapproval evident. Lena ignored the fact that his endearing nickname for her sent a spasm of jealousy into the pits of her stomach.

"Well..." suddenly this didn't feel like a good idea to Lena, but she had started so she might as well finish it. "She wanted me to pass onto you that she misses you and she wants you to get in contact." It was her turn to cross her arms against her body but more out of discomfort than anything else.

"Unbelievable." Steve muttered. "All I asked for was some time to process what we had lost and to do my own thing away from HQ."

"But she says they are trying to figure out a way too reverse the snap Steve!" she cried out incredulously. "Don't you want to be apart of that?"

He closed the distance between them in an impossible second, gripping her shoulders as his face was overcome with emotion. "You didn't see what I saw Lena, there is no way they can come back from what happened. We tried to reverse it, we found Thanos." he paused as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "We found him but it was too late, the stones are gone, and without them we can't do a damn thing."

"Oh." she sagged against his arms. The earlier euphoria from her discussion with Natasha leaving her body.

"I'm sorry that she got your hopes up Lena, but there's zero chance of everyone returning."

Lena's disappointment quickly evolved into anger as she shoved his arms away. "That's okay for you to say, at least you still have people! People that you refuse to speak to might I add!" she pointed an accusing finger at him. "She misses you and she wants your help - at least there is someone out there who wants you!"

"Lena come on I didn't mean-"

"No!" she batted his hands away as he tried to calm her. "You know nothing about what I lost, absolutely nothing Steve, and more annoyingly you're not only wanted you're also needed and you're throwing all of that away!"

"I need you!" he grabbed her flailing hands and forced her to meet his eyes. She settled quickly at his words, too stunned to react. "Since the moment we first spoke something told me that I needed you, that we were destined to meet."

He drew her closer, close enough that the intoxicating smell of his aftershave brushed against her nose; she closed the gap between them as she breathed it in. Steve dropped her hands out of his grasp and cupped her face instead. She closed her eyes, imagining Cameron was holding on to her face as she placed her hands on Steve's hips to steady herself.

"I don't understand." she looked into his eye's only to be met with uncertainty.

"Neither do I Lena, I wouldn't call it lust or love I mean I barely know you I-"

"Just need to feel something." she finished for him. "I understand Steve, I do; You lost Peggy and the snap is bringing all that to the surface again. I lost somebody dear to me before the snap too and all I want is to feel how they made me feel, but with you... I don't want to ruin our friendship because we are both mourning past lovers." Good, common sense still prevailed in her mind at least, although it still surprised when he nodded, releasing her face.

"I'm sorry Lena, that was out of order - I council everyone else and forget that I've got my own demons to deal with, it was wrong of me to come onto you like that."

Emptiness swallowed her at the loss of his touch, without thinking she grabbed his face with her hands before he could turn away - to hell with common sense. "What if we both forget together."

The words sounded even crazier out loud than in her head, but Steve's touch had awakened a longing she didn't want to ignore. She expected him to move away but he remained there in her hands, his face edging closer until finally their lips brushed against one another.

"Steve."

"Yes."

"This means nothing."

"This means nothing." he agreed as he tipped her head back so that her mouth met his.


	5. Chapter 5

**_AN: Hey guys! Wow, the last chapter had a really good response - thank you! I hope you enjoy this next Chapter, this is the first fanfic that I haven't sat down and planned out I am just writing each Chapter as it comes and the freeing feeling is AMAZING!_**

**_Enjoy lads and lassies!_**

**_~Ladieesailor_**

* * *

**_Chapter 5_**

_.*._

_"I like being able to hold you." he pulled her closer. _

_.*._

"Who was he."

Lena shifted against Steve's shoulder as his thumb traced a circle on her hip; their naked bodies entangled one another under the covers in a strange feeling of comfort - her own fingertips danced lightly across his chest. Did he shave all of the time or did the serum remove all the hair? It was the burning question she was about to ask before he asked his.

"Who?"

"The man you were thinking of the whole time." She froze against him, but he tilted her chin up so that she was forced to look at him. "Hey, it's okay." he placed a soft kiss against her forehead, her groin ached once more at his touch. She moved her head and pressed her lips against his; at first he reciprocated, but as she tried to deepen it he stopped her. "Lena."

"He was my fiancé, and right now I don't want to talk about him." she flipped a leg over his so that she was sat above him, drawing a line down his chest with her finger. "I want to be distracted." And she did. The burning sensation of passion between her legs had been extinguished at the mention of Cameron, replaced with an aching pain in her heart. There was no point in regretting what she had done with Steve, but the fact that he was the first man she had done it with after Cameron bore her a strange feeling that she didn't want to evaluate right there and then.

"From the pain?" he caught her hand in his and he gently placed it against his lips, his knowing glance shared with her that he understood, but it still didn't make her want to open up.

"Yes, if you don't mind." she let her other hand drift below the covers, but he rolled them over so that he was on top before she could reach her intended target.

"Lena, talk to me." he rolled off her so that they could face each other. "The world - including you - already knows about Peggy, so tell me about him."

"Did you think of her?" she asked, avoiding the question.

"To a degree... but then we never got that far so at a certain point it was just me and you."

"Wait WHAT?!" she bolted upright as she hugged the sheets to herself; her head spinning as she realised what he was saying. "You're a virgin?!"

For the first time Lena witnessed a sheepish, uncomfortable expression roll across Steve's face as he picked at a loose thread in the bed sheets. "I believe the correct term is 'was'."

"Shiiit, I'm gonna need a minute." Lena took the sheets with her as she expertly rolled off the bed, curling her legs up against her chest with her back against the wall. Tilting her head up she raised her eyes to the ceiling as she cursed hard enough to make a nun scream bloody murder. Moments later Steve appeared from his side of the bed, pulling a pair of joggers over his perfectly chiselled hips.

"Everyone always thought I knew her in that way, but we didn't even get a first date let alone make it to the bedroom." he sat beside her, nudging her until she finally looked down to see an open box balanced in his hand. A pair of piercing eyes looked back at her in the form of Peggy's photo embedded in the top of the lid. "This never leaves my side." he breathed. "Never."

"She was so beautiful." Lena gripped his arm in comfort, not taking her eyes off of Peggy's. The woman oozed vibes of 'I can and will kill you' – and boy did Lena respect that.

"Yeah, she was." Steve snapped it shut and placed it back in his pocket. "She was every bit radiant right up until the day she died, even in her peace she looked like she could destroy a man." he grinned.

"Was it hard seeing her again, once you came back?" Lena worded herself carefully, not wanting to upset him.

"It was hard to comprehend, for her it had been seventy-five years... but for me." he shook his head. "If we aren't talking about the love of your life we aren't talking about mine."

Lena had never told anyone about Cameron, she had never really planned too; but Steve wasn't just anyone, he could relate to her on the same level, so what did she have to lose by finally speaking about it? "He died before The Snap - car crash after a night out with his friends." she turned to face him. "The day of his funeral was the day of The Snap, I arrived at the church, kissed his coffin and then I turned to see every other person in my life that I loved turn to ash."

"Jesus Lena." Steve shot his arm around her in an instant, his hand rising to her face as his thumb wiped her cheek, why? - oh she was crying. "That's awful, I'm so sorry."

"No matter what happens in the future, whether The Snap is reversed or not he can never come back to me. He's gone." saying the words drove another wave of grief over her, but it also released an unknown weight from her shoulders that she was sharing this, and that she was being responded too in kind.

Steve wrapped his other arm around her, pulling her in close so she had no where to lean but against his torso. "I don't know how or where Lena, but you will see him again, just like I have every faith that Peggy is up there somewhere waiting for me."

"Maybe her and Cameron are sitting somewhere together, high fiving because you finally got laid." she chuckled as she wiped at her tears. "He was a big fan of you y'know, I don't even think he would be mad that we slept together - in fact he would probably high five me too."

Steve released her as he burst out in laughter. "God, what I would give to see that."

His laugh was infectious; Lena couldn't help but fall into a fit of laughter with him, his grip around her torso tightening as she hugged him back. When they had both finally calmed from their laughing fit they released each other from their hug, Steve picked up one of Lena's hands and pressed it to his lips once more. "Did it really mean nothing to you?" he nodded towards the bed.

Normally, a question like that would make her clam up and panic, but with him she truly felt at ease, and that she could be truthful. "It was nice, and for the record no I was not thinking about him." she playfully punched his arm. "But I also think neither of us can compare to Cameron and Peggy - I mean do I want to do that again," she nodded towards the bed, "Absolutely, but at what cost?"

"I like being able to hold you." he pulled her closer.

"And I like feeling protected." she admitted as she squeezed his hand tight. "But I don't want to get comfortable Steve, not when there's a job to do."

And it hit her then, what Natasha had meant when she said that there was a woman behind every decision Steve made - she wasn't talking about Lena, she was talking about the only woman that would ever truly have Steve's heart. Lena knew exactly what she had to say.

"A job?" he glanced down at her wearily.

"Reversing the snap, if nothing comes to fruition then at least you tried - but if there was even a chance that we could bring over 3 billion people back Steve I would grasp it with my bare hands." and then she played her final card. "Why should the world suffer because our loves are gone forever? I know Cameron would want me to do everything I could to right the wrong that's been done to this world - wouldn't Peggy want that of you too?"

**o.O.o**

Lena couldn't help but study Steve as he drove. One hand was on the wheel as the other was jammed firmly by his mouth, chewing absent-mindedly on his thumb nail. After their discussion they had gotten changed and were out the door rather quickly, with Steve deciding that he wasn't going to wait until morning to head upstate. So here they were in his car, flying along the road at an alarming speed with not a word uttered between them.

"It's going to be okay." she placed a hand on top of his, but much to her chagrin he slid his hand away. They had both agreed that what had happened between them didn't matter, and Lena had really felt that it hadn't; so she was annoyed with herself to find that his swift withdrawal hurt her feelings. But then again she had pretty much blackmailed him into going somewhere where he didn't want to go, so his ill-feelings towards her were kind of warranted.

"I know. I just haven't seen these guys in a while I don't think the reception will be all too welcoming for me since I've been ghosting them for the past year."

Lena couldn't help but snort.

"What?!" he finally looked at her. "What could possibly be so funny?"

"It's just weird hearing you use terms like 'ghosting', like you scroll on your phone with your forefinger like my Mom used to do - I didn't think you were down with the kids." she burst into laughter as Steve's arm came flying towards her, punching her gently on the leg.

"You know I'm all caught up, I'm not that man from the forties anymore!" he chuckled. "Well, not entirely - some habits never die." Her smile faltered as his hand dropped to the pocket with the compass in it. She had to remind herself that he was in just as much pain as she was.

Lena jerked against the car door as he done a sharp turn down a road she hadn't noticed. "Bloody hell talk about a sharp turn, are we here?"

He didn't answer, instead leaning forward in his seat when a large building came into view in front of them, to Lena's surprise Natasha was already stood at the door; arms folded with a guarded expression on her face.

"This was a mistake." Steve muttered as he pulled the car up and turned the engine off.

Lena's irritation grew at his reluctance to help, but she couldn't even begin to understand what had happened to The Avengers on the day of The Snap, so instead she opened the car door and stepped out. She was caught off-guard when she was immediately enveloped by Natasha in a brief, uncomfortable hug.

"Thank you for bringing him." Natasha whispered in her ear.

"Natasha." Lena turned as Steve arrived beside her, slipping the car key into the same pocket as the compass and giving the woman before them a curt nod.

"Not even a hug?" Natasha's grin didn't falter as she pulled Steve into a crushing hug. "We've been waiting for you to finally show."

"Don't bank on me staying, I'm only here to prove to Lena that there is no plan to reverse The Snap, not one that I can help with anyway." He released Natasha as quickly as she had gripped him, stepping around her to walk inside the open front door. "Where is everyone else?"

"Out on mission's, doing their own thing or they have given up like you." If Lena picked up on the malice in Natasha's word's then Steve definitely had. She was beginning to think it had been a mistake convincing him to turn up.

"Which category does Clint fall in to?" Steve turned back to face Natasha.

In a single blink Natasha had moved herself right into Steve's face as she kneed him in the groin, grabbing him by his throat as he faltered. "The category where his family were destroyed by The Snap and he's out there killing everyone to fill the hole it left." Lena went to interject but Steve held his hand up, warning her to stay back. "But then again that would require you to give a damn about the rest of us."

"Of course I care about you guys Nat, but what am I supposed to do? Bruce and Tony are the brain's of the Avengers, I mean can you see me and you sitting down trying to create some kinda time machine? Honestly Nat," he grabbed her hand carefully and removed it from his neck despite her best efforts to stop him, "What was I supposed to do, sit around HQ waiting for them to return and do something?"

"Wait. If Iron Man, Hawkeye and The Hulk aren't here then who actually is to make a plan to reverse The Snap?" Lena stepped between the pair of them to grab their attention.

"I keep forgetting that not everyone know's about the rest of them." Natasha shot her a playful grin as she indicated to the open door. "Come on in Lena, I'll get you upto speed on the rest of the gang."


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello Lad's and Lassie's! **

**I'm sorry that it's been a while since my last update but I've been off the grid for a few weeks living my best Middle Earth life. I had a 5 hour bus journey yesterday so I sat on my phone and typed this chapter out for you guys, apologies if there are any spelling or grammatical error's but there is only so long I can look at a tiny screen! As with previous Chapters I will no doubt go over them in the future and correct issues. :)**

**For now though, enjoy the Chapter!**

**~Ladieesailor**

* * *

_**CHAPTER 6**_

_**.*.**_

_The tension surrounding them rocketed as Steve snapped his head in Natasha's direction, his fury evident. "Not in a million year's Nat." _

_**.*.**_

"Wait, so you're telling me that a talking Raccoon is in The Avengers?!" Lena was well aware that her voice had risen in disbelief; but she didn't care, choosing to ignore the bemused look that passed between Steve and Natasha - a talking Raccoon was clearly a normality for them, but most certainly not to her.

Once they entered Avengers HQ, Natasha had led them through a noiseless, empty building into a large office strewn with paperwork and weapons alike. Steve's inner soldier came out when he asked for a status update on everyone - which lead to their current situation; Natasha had a hologram pulled up showcasing a variety of people Lena had never heard of, going through each individual person and their current whereabouts. She had remained quiet as Natasha updated Steve on his colleagues, but when the picture of the raccoon appeared she couldn't keep her mouth closed any longer.

"I would say maybe borderline Avenger, he kinda just turned up with Thor and a talking tree." Steve shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly, using his index finger to move the photo's until he landed on one that was easily recognisable to Lena - Tony Stark.

"A talking tree? Are you guys being serious? I'm gonna need a minute." she flumped back against the desk below the hologram, focusing on the faces of the different people as Steve flipped through them all. She had always thought there was just the Avengers and then whatever was out in space – she didn't realise that Earth had a full on Superhero club on the go. "Who's that?" she indicated towards the picture of a smiling blonde woman, the confidence the photo oozed felt slightly infectious to Lena as she crossed her arms and stood up a little straighter.

"That's Carol, but she goes by the name Captain Marvel." Natasha tapped on her photo to bring up an in-depth file on her. From a quick glance at the file Lena could see that she had been through a lot in the past few decades, even though none of it made sense - but what also caught her attention was the red tag along the bottom reading 'off-world'.

"When you say off-world…" she pointed.

"It wasn't just Earth that Thanos' snap affected, there are thousands of civilisations out there that were torn apart – she's out there doing her best to help them." Natasha closed the file down as an incoming call flashed up.

"War Machine?" Lena cocked her head at the file snapshot above the incoming call; she vaguely recognised his face.

"We'll leave you to take the call in private Nat." Steve swiftly turned from the hologram and made a beeline for Lena, but Nat held a hand up as she accepted the call.

"Hey Nat, I got to the last sighting, there was a big mess like last time but there's still no sign of – CAP?!" Lena didn't miss Steve wince as he turned back to face the hologram, his hands abandoning their attempt to steer her from the room as they fell to his sides.

"Hey Rhodey." She watched as Steve stepped back up beside Natasha, conveniently hiding her.

"Well well well, the prodigy returns - I thought you had abandoned us for your little grief group and 'help the people' crusade whilst the rest of us picked up the pieces." The malice in Rhodey's voice was unmistakable, and it rubbed Lena up the wrong way. Steve had done a lot for her in the few days they had known each other, how this man had the audacity to poke fun at him for helping people was beyond her - but she wouldn't let it stand.

"That's hardly fair, everyone deals with things differently, and besides - at least he's helping people!" she stepped up beside them so that she was in full view.

"Who's this?!" Rhodey signalled towards her. "Nat are you bringing stray's in again, look I know the accords are dead in the water but we can't go recruiting useless idiots-"

"EXCUSE ME?" Lena roared, momentarily forgetting that it was a hologram and lunged forward, but Steve's hands wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her back.

"She's a friend of Steve's and she's the reason he's here so how about you be a little nicer." Nat cocked a teasing smile at Rhodey's perplexed face.

"I'll thank her when he does something useful, unlike the past year where he's been moping around like a child that's been placed in time out."

"Oh you-" Lena lunged for the hologram again, forgetting that Steve's hands had cemented her in place.

"Lets leave before you explode." he chuckled in her ear as he dragged her from the room, her furious glare still focused on Rhodey as he ignored her petulant outburst and resumed updating Nat on whatever it was that he was doing - although before the door closed she swore he glanced at her with a wink.

"Why do you let him speak to you like that?" she rounded on Steve once he let her go and the door had fully closed.

"His words are harsh, but there is some truth in them." He answered plainly as he threw himself down into one of the many couches that decorated the room.

"You went through your own thing, it's not right of him to call you out like that." Lena stood her ground.

"Lena he's well within his right to be mad at me, if it was Bruce, Thor or even Tony stood before him it would have been the same reaction - he's mad at all of us for giving up so quickly after we discovered the stones were gone and we killed Thanos."

Lena could only gape in shock as the magnitude of his words slammed into her, the dawning realisation of what they meant turned her stomach as she cupped her mouth.

"You-you killed Thanos?!" she spluttered. "You guy's killed Thanos and didn't think to mention that to me when I was getting my hopes up about reversing The Snap?!"

Steve met her enraged eye's with his own exhausted ones. "Lena, I tried to tell you there was no way." He stood up, running a hand through his lengthening hair. "We tried to reverse it all - we tracked him down to another planet but he had destroyed the Stones, and with them any chance of us bringing everyone back." he took a step closer. "We didn't give up straight away Lena, I tried to bring them all back - we all did - but we failed in that too."

She grabbed for the chair behind her, sitting down as he continued to talk.

"I only brought you here so that you could see there is no plan, there is no one actively working on a plan and Nat is just caught up in denial thinking that somehow if we wish hard enough we could create a time machine to take us back." he walked over slowly, kneeling before her as he placed a hand on her knee. "If there was even a miniscule chance of me getting everyone back I would do it in a heartbeat, but don't ask me to give you false hope when there's none." His hand moved slowly, brushing a stray hair off her face before cupping her cheek - she leaned into it, enjoying the feeling of comfort despite a jolted warning from her gut. Last night meant nothing after all - didn't it?

"Lena, I-"

"Sorry about that guys, just a quick update - nothing special." Steve removed his hand from Lena's cheek as he expertly manoeuvred himself away from her to face an incoming Natasha - if she was aware of the awkward tension that had suddenly arisen in the room she didn't show it.

"So, where in the world is Clint now." Steve questioned with a know-it-all smile. "I assume that's who Rhodey has been tracking for you."

"Since you've chosen not to be apart of things that's none of your business." Natasha rebuked as she turned her attention to Lena. "Let's talk about you Lena - you seem like you've got plenty of fighting spirit left, something I could really use right now."

The tension surrounding them rocketed as Steve snapped his head in Natasha's direction, his fury evident. "Not in a million year's Nat."

"Why? Your girlfriend has shown great potential." Natasha placed a hand on Lena's shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze. "I think it's a bit rude you think you can make this decision for her Steve."

"I'm not his girlfriend." Lena muttered with embarrassment, avoiding his eye. "And he's not making this decision for me - whatever you are offering me - he explained that you all killed Thanos and the Stones are gone; there's nothing for me to fight for Natasha."

"Well, you done a good job of beating the crap out of that guy the other night; just because half the world's population is gone doesn't mean all the bad guys went with them." Natasha released her grip on Lena's shoulder as she cocked an eyebrow, daring Lena to argue the point.

"I see you've mastered your skill of remaining undetectable." Steve growled as he walked past Natasha towards her. "It's not happening Nat, I knew there was something more to all this, come on – we're leaving." he placed a hand at the small of Lena's back, indicating towards the door. But Lena was not done yet.

"So you brought me here on a lie?" she darted around him to bring herself face to face with Natasha, furious with the woman for enticing her here on false hope. "You told me there was a chance to bring my family back, to bring everyone back, but you only said that so you could use me to get to Steve."

"That chance that I promised you is still alive and well, we just haven't come up with it yet - but don't you want to be ready if that chance does arise?" Lena blinked as Natasha's words struck a chord with her. "Just imagine; five, ten maybe even fifteen years from now an idea comes to fruition that could reverse all this - do you want to be ready for it and actively be apart of it?" Natasha's eyes slid away from Lena's to look behind her at Steve. "Or do you want to watch your life go by and let everyone else make the sacrifice play."

"Nat, there is no way to reverse The Snap, stop filling her head with these idea's that you can bring her family back from the dead!" Steve snapped, his anger evidently growing.

"Just because you all gave up after we killed him doesn't mean that I have, so long as there is breath in my body Steve I'll give my life to reverse what happened!" Natasha roared back at him, her emotions getting the better of her.

Lena could see it now: The bags underneath Natasha's eyes, her sickly complexion - eye's weary and emotional. And then it hit her. Natasha was human just like her. For too long people associated the Avengers with the likes of Tony Stark and his Iron Man suit, Thor and his insane godly powers or even Steve himself as the infamous super soldier. Natasha just had her skill set and bare hands and yet she was the only one actively trying to bring everyone back. Why should she do it alone?

"No amount of sacrifice is going to bring back over three billion people Natasha no matter how much you want it - you have to come to terms with that or you will just keep drowning in your own sorrow." Steve moved to comfort Natasha, but she stepped back from him.

"Oh, sorry I didn't give up hope like the rest of you - how crazy of me to want them all back, don't you even want to try and see Bucky again?!"

"Ofcourse I do Nat, how could you even-"

"Whatever you've got in mind I'll do it." Lena couldn't listen to them bicker anymore as she cut Steve off. "Even if we can't reverse The Snap I can't carry on wallowing - I'd rather dedicate my time to helping us arrive at a solution, even if it takes my entire life and death too." She turned to Natasha. "You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

"Lena-"

"Don't try and talk me out of it, I've made my mind up." She held a hand up as Steve walked towards her, clearly exasperated.

"I'm gonna give you two some privacy." Natasha wisely slipped out of the room, but not before squeezing Steve's arm and whispering something too low for Lena to hear.

"You're better than all of this." Steve signalled around him, barely registering that it was just the two of them.

Lena scoffed. "You mean I'm not good enough."

"No, I mean you deserve more than becoming a killer like the rest of us." He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her slightly, his wild pleading eye's stared into hers. In them she saw his inner demons come alive as his emotions took over. "That's all Natasha will train you to be, that's all _she_ knows how to be."

"What would you have me do, sit around your apartment and do nothing?" she gripped his face with her hands. "I need to do something worthwhile Steve, and Natasha is offering me that chance."

"You deserve better than the life our failures have given you Lena." his grip on her arms loosened as she let her hands fall away from his face, suddenly weary of their close proximity.

"Even before The Snap my life was over when I lost Cameron - at least if I help her it will feel like I have a purpose again." her face crumpled as he pulled her in to a strong hug. They stayed like that for a while, rocking slowly from side to side as Lena composed her emotions at the thought of Cameron. Guilt bubbled to the surface as she thought of her and Steve together only a few hours ago. Instead of a much needed release it was now starting to feel like one massive mistake.

"I meant it when I said I liked holding you." he murmured against her hair, as if he could tell what she was thinking about.

"I meant it when I said I liked feeling protected, but I need to be able to protect myself." she pulled herself back so she could look at him. She had known him only a few days and yet the thought of helping Natasha without him around sent a hollow pang through her chest. "You could still run your grief groups from here and help out from time to time - you don't have to leave."

"I can't stay here Lena, it's all just a painful reminder about what we lost." he released her from their embrace so that he could look her in the eyes. "No matter how much it hurts to leave you."

Before she could react he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against him, placing a soft kiss against her lips. In an instant it was over and he released her, heading towards the door that led back into the office.

"If you ever need me Lena, you know where I am." he turned towards her, with a hand on the doorframe. Every inch of her body screamed for her to go to him, to reciprocate in someway, but instead she remained routed to the spot, paralysed with her own confused feelings.

"Steve, I-"

"I lied Lena - last night - it did mean something to me. But I don't want to jeopardise our friendship when our feelings are still a mess, so I can't stay, I'm sorry."

And then he was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

_.*._

_"I'm not the weak pathetic girl you found me as." she asserted as he rose to his feet. "So stop holding back and just fight me." _

_.*._

"Focus, you're getting nowhere - at this rate a child could beat you."

Lena pushed herself up off the floor for the seventh time that day, ignoring the pain from Natasha's kick to her left kidney that had floored her moments before.

"How can I focus when you keep kicking me in the kidney." she objected as she caught Natasha's fist mid-air, only to find it was a distraction as Natasha's leg swiped her own from underneath her and had her flat on her back once more.

"You could just ring him y'know." Natasha offered her hand out to Lena, but she batted it away and rolled back onto her feet. "Instead of sulking."

"I don't know what your talking about." She turned from Natasha and picked up her water bottle, taking long deep gulps to quench her thirst.

It had been nearly two weeks to the day since Lena had agreed to stay with Natasha and be trained by her - for whatever the future held - and since Steve had declared their rash night of passion actually meant something to him. Lena had spent every day since then throwing herself into whatever training Natasha devised for her and doing her best to not think. She hadn't even fallen for Cameron that fast, it was impossible that she had feelings for Steve. He had found her at her most vulnerable, so she had to assume her feelings were tied up in that - they just couldn't be real. And yet despite only spending a matter of days together she found that she was missing him deeply, adding more confusion to her situation. She just wanted to be around him again - but he had made it clear after he kissed her that he didn't want to jeopardise the friendship. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as her groin involuntarily lurched at the thought of the kiss.

"Oh come on, the air stank of sex between the both of you it was obvious!" Natasha chuckled as she threw a towel at Lena, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Nat!" Lena threw it back, laughing at the mock disgust on her face. In their two weeks together, Lena's jealously of Natasha had simmered down into a bubbling respect and admiration for her. After long days of training they would pour themselves over updates from the remaining group of active Avenger's in the world whilst eating some kind of take out since neither of them had the energy to cook. They had become fast friends, and Lena was happy about that. But what she had also learned was that Natasha knew everything, whether Lena gave it away or not - and that was frustrating.

"What? I mean I'm kinda glad Steve finally got some - his frustration was deplorable." Natasha screwed her face up in mock horror.

"It didn't mean anything, it just happened, and I don't want to talk about it." Lena hoped her raised brow was giving the impression 'or else', but had a feeling it just added to the hilarity of her exhaustion.

"Fine, but if you ask me your both being stupid - in this day and age I don't think anyone has any time to tip toe around feelings." Natasha picked up the pair of boxing gloves on the side and chucked them at Lena. "If we do reverse the snap, Cameron and Peggy aren't coming back - don't waste your life dwelling on the past, I've made that mistake and trust me-"

Lena had to commend Natasha's expert reflexes as she easily removed herself from the vicinity of Lena's well placed punch.

"Lena-"

"I told you I didn't want to talk about it Nat." Lena grabbed Natasha's outstretched arm and twisted it against her back in the hopes of pinning her down, but Natasha easily rolled out of her grasp and latched her arm around Lena's neck, pulling them both down onto the mat.

"Your emotions are gonna be the death of you." Natasha tightened the grip of her arm against Lena's neck to quieten her impolite reply. "You're angry because you know I'm right, I'm going to let you go and order some food for us, and you're going to talk to him. Okay?" Lena nodded against the death like grip that was denying her brain precious oxygen.

Natasha stayed true to her word and let go, allowing Lena to take in a deep gasping breath. Rolling expertly away she stood up, glaring at the back of Natasha's head as she walked out of the door.

"Just phone him, he's being stubborn - and he's scared of the possibility of moving on and being happy; just like you."

_**o.O.o**_

Lena tapped her phone against her knee cap as she worked her way through each of her finger nails, chewing at each one until there wasn't much left to bite. She had spent ages in the shower alone with her thoughts, contemplating what to say in a text to Steve. So far, she had deleted twenty different variations of her feelings from her phone, and now she was sat in her room curled up in bed wondering what the hell she was doing. She glanced at the large cork board in front of her and smiled. After her first week of training she had come back to find her bare room decorated with a few homely things and the large board now in front of her, decorated with photos from her Facebook page of her family, friends and Cameron.

She had spent that night curled up crying as she took in each face, refreshing her memory on how they all looked. Without her phone or access to the internet she hadn't seen her Facebook account in the year she had spent barely surviving in New York. She had forgotten the wrinkles under her Mom's eyes when she laughed; how her Dad pulled faces in nearly every existing photo of him, and how Damien and Cassie would always stand either side of her in group photo's, forever supporting her. Then of course there were the photo's of her and Cameron. She allowed the grief for him to swallow her that night, she took a photo of his laughing face down and placed it on the pillow beside her, imagining his careful touch against her face to wipe her tears away as he whispered soothing, comforting words.

Natasha had woken her up the next morning and taken her on a 4 mile run - which she spent gasping and vomiting - before a full day of learning the simple technique of deflecting a well-placed punch. The fading bruise around her eye was testament that she hadn't mastered it as quickly as Natasha anticipated. By the end of the day she had no energy left for grief, or the following days as Natasha pushed her to her limit each day. It was only now and then she stole quick glances at the board, and she slowly found herself smiling at the memories, instead of crying.

Her eyes settled on the photo of her and Cameron on the day he proposed to her that had sat on the table in the hallway of her home. She smiled at their euphoric happiness - it was probably the happiest day of her life, and Lena knew in that moment that she wanted to feel that way again; someday.

"Fuck it." she muttered as she flipped her phone round and opened up Steve's number, hitting the message button.

_'It meant something to me too.' _she hurriedly typed before she hit send, launching her phone to the bottom of her bed and standing up. Without a backward glance she left her room, in search of Natasha and hopefully pizza - the ball was in Steve's court.

_**o.O.o**_

"Jesus Christ." Natasha muttered as Lena offered her a hand up, rather smugly.

It had been just over a month since she had messaged Steve; the first night she barely looked at her phone, the second she quadruple checked that she had his number right, and on the third she spent the night in the gym beating a punch bag until her knuckles bled.

At first she felt complete embarrassment that he had ignored her message, but that soon turned to anger, which seemed to work out extremely well for her training with Natasha. Her hand-to-hand combat techniques had come on leaps and bounds in the ensuing month, leading Lena to her first victory over Natasha in the 6 weeks since her training had started.

"Looks like we are finally getting somewhere." Natasha patted Lena on the back as they walked to the side of the mat. "I mean look at these!" Natasha squeezed the insides of Lena's arms where her muscles had slowly defined themselves. She had thankfully put a healthy amount of weight back on now that she was eating properly, but with her constant daily workouts her body had started to define itself to the point that Lena didn't mind catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror; now that the horror that was her skeletal body was gone.

"Pat yourself on the back Nat, this was only possible because of you." Lena gave her friend a sincere smile, it warmed her heart to think that she could call Natasha that. But Natasha's face broke into a frown as she glanced off to the side.

"We've got company." she muttered.

"What? Good or Bad?" Lena tensed.

"That's for you to decide." Natasha rounded on the door to the gym as it opened to reveal a cautious looking Steve. "Come on in Cap, we won't bite."

Lena's lips parted in surprise, her initial reaction of joy quickly changed to an anxious, chest crushing feeling. He had ignored her message, put her mind through turmoil and had now decided to show up out of the blue. Natasha clearly sensed her feelings as she moved herself between her and Steve.

"So what brings you here Cap?" Lena stood rooted to the spot - arms crossed - as she watched Natasha greet Steve with a hug, his eyes met hers as he embraced his old friend.

"Don't play innocent Nat, I'm here because you invited me."

"NAT!" Lena recoiled, looking to her mentor in betrayal.

"And that's my cue to leave," Natasha indicated towards the door. "Either hug it out or fight it out I don't care but you both need to deal with whatever this is." she pointed between them both as she let the door close behind her. "There's the promise of sushi at the end if it!"

"Well." Steve shrugged his jacket down his shoulders and tossed it to one side as he simultaneously kicked his shoes off. "Lets see what you've learned so far."

Lena couldn't believe it, not only had he turned up, but he was electing to ignore her message and act like nothing had happened. The crushing feeling in her chest turned to full blown fury as she chucked her water bottle to the side and raised her hands into a defensive position.

"Don't hold back, my body is built to take a lot more damage than yours." Steve raised his own fists.

"Oh I intend not to." Lena ran at Steve, waiting until the very last second to drop to her knee's and kick out with her leg, connecting it with the back of his calf and knocking his balance. She rolled out of the way as he lunged towards her, his finger tips grazing along her back as she righted herself.

"I'm sensing some anger." he grinned as he easily deflected her punch, only to grunt as her leg came up and connected with his side. Lena was glad to see that even super soldiers were susceptible to a good kick to the kidney; he dropped to his knees, catching her foot as it came back a second time and pushing her away from him.

"I'm not the weak pathetic girl you found me as." she asserted as he rose to his feet. "So stop holding back and just fight me."

"Lena, I've got super soldier serum running through my veins - if I don't hold back I'll kill you." he side stepped her first swinging fist, catching the other in his hand and locking her arm behind her back. Natasha had taught her how to get out of this exact scenario; using her body's momentum she easily rolled out of his grip. "And why on god's earth would I think you were weak and pathetic?" he blocked kick after kick with his forearm before pushing her back. "Only someone mentally strong could have endured what you went through and come out the other side alive."

That stopped her in her tracks. Big mistake. Steve moved swiftly as he kicked her legs out from underneath her before placing a hand on her collarbone, pinning her to the ground. "Lesson number one, don't let what your opponent says dictate or affect how you fight."

"Lesson number two." she put every single morsel of energy she could muster into her fist as she caught him off guard and connected it with his nose, sending him backwards. "Don't turn up here thinking you can dictate anything to me after ignoring me for the past four weeks."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he challenged, she was frustrated to see that his face remained unaffected by her punch as he stood with her.

"You grab me, kiss me and then walk out of here declaring that _that night _meant something to you." she shoved his chest - although he barely moved. "THEN, when I finally muster up the courage to admit the same thing," she shoved him again, "you ignore me for four weeks!" he grabbed her wrists as she went to shove him for a third time, using her own body against her as he kicked out at her feet once more and pinned her to the ground with her hands above her head.

"Natasha was right, you are letting your emotions get in the way." he muttered.

"REALLY?!" she roared as tears stung her eyes. "That's all your thinking about right now?!"

"I just want to help with your techni-"

"Oh go to hell." she pushed him off of her, rolling out from underneath him. "You could just flat out say you don't care instead of pretending nothing is wrong."

"Dammit Lena!" he roared; shoving his hands through his hair as he stalked over to her. "Being apart has driven me absolutely crazy, to the point that I've had Nat giving me daily updates on you - because we both know pursuing anything would just wreck the friendship-"

"What friendship?!" she scoffed, indicating the space between them. "The minute you waltzed on out of here our friendship ceased to exist! We haven't spoken in six weeks Steve, I don't know what friendship you're trying to protect but it certainly isn't ours."

"What would you have me do Lena?" she softened her stance as his voice broke, tapping into her empathy that had been dormant for the last few weeks. "I'm the reason your life is so screwed up, your family are gone because of me - what right do I have to swoop in and take his place when I damn well don't deserve you." He took a deep breath as he looked up above them. "I'm a failure and you deserve so much more than that."

Lena's mouth dropped open at his words, her anger towards him dissipating as he finally looked down into her eyes - the range of emotions he conveyed was overwhelming; she stepped forward, placing her hand softly on his forearm, pulling his hands from his hair.

"As if I barely compare to the inaugural Peggy Carter." she smiled weakly, she was relieved when he gave an exhausted smile in return.

"I wanted to come straight up here that night you messaged me, but I didn't know what to do or say, so I stayed in the city and just stewed over it all until Nat phoned saying that if I didn't get my butt up here and help resolve things she would personally dismantle me limb from limb and chuck me in the Hudson." he chuckled.

"She knows my every thought, its terrifying." Lena shuddered as he took a seat on the bench, taking her hand and pulling her down beside him.

"She says she's human, but with her uncanny knack for knowing things about people before they know it themselves I would be inclined to disagree." he lamented as he took a hold of her wrist and stretched it up in the air, the dark inner bruising encasing her biceps from a misjudged rugby tackle to Natasha's torso was now on show. "What has she been doing, throwing you off the top of HQ everyday?!" his hand followed the bruising down towards her armpit and round to her back, causing her to shiver as his fingers traced across her shoulder blades. "You're covered in bruises Lena." He raised his fingertips to brush along the fading bruise around her eye as if to emphasise his point.

"_Better to be covered in bruises now than dead later_." she recited Natasha's daily word ritual in a monotonous tone.

"I'd prefer neither to happen." he gently placed her arm down, hovering his hand over her own as if deliberating whether to take it.

Just like that night at Steve's, the air changed between them.

"If anyone could ever take his place, it would be you y'know." she placed her hand on top of his, saving him the indecision.

"I'm broken Lena, what if I can't make you happy?" he took her hand in his, raising it to his mouth as he placed a soft kiss against her skin. "You deserve someone to make you happy."

She couldn't deny her feelings anymore; this wasn't complicated, in all its simplicity it was a very easy decision to make - she deserved to be happy and Natasha was right, there was no point dwelling on the past when the chance to be happy again was right in front of her.

"It doesn't take much, an endless supply of cuddles and ice cream is a great start." she joked as they both descended into a fit of laughter - Steve carefully placed a hand around her waist and pulled her against him. "But you also deserve to be happy Steve, whether you think that or not." She cupped his cheek with her hand, placing the other against his chest as their noses touched, teasing each other until finally their lips met.

Lena let out a sigh of content as the kiss deepened, echoed by Steve as he pushed his hands through her hair, pulling her closer to him. She willingly allowed him to move her so that she ended up straddling him on the bench, her hands tracing his collarbone as his own cupped the back of her neck, his lips leaving hers momentarily to trace a line of kisses down her throat.

"For the record you're making me extremely happy right now." she rasped as he pressed a longing kiss below her collarbone. The growing pressure underneath his trousers against her groin elicited a laugh from her. "And apparently I'm making you extremely happy too."

"Lena." he breathed in her ear in clear frustration before she pulled his lips back to hers.

"We don't have to overcomplicate it," she breathed against his lips, adjusting her sitting position so that she could unzip his jeans, "Let's just see how we go."

"We can take this a day at a time." he kissed her softly as he undone her sports bra. "We have all the time in the world."


End file.
